Ignorance

I have a sticky note on my computer... listing off a number of people and stories from last week that I feel the need to write about. I also have thoughts from things that have gone on this past week that I want to write about. I get home at the end of the day emotionally exhausted though, and re-living some of the situations isn't much appealing. So there are a lot of things I need to write about from over the past week and a bit, but something happened today that I need to vent about first, because it absolutely infuriated me.

I've written a bit about a man who is on the edge.. on the verge of either disaster or incredible growth... but is trapped in a cycle of addiction, self-pity, co-dependency, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. I have on my little sticky note from last week that I wanted to write about a certain situation with him... honestly, so much goes on that I can't remember the exact conversation or context I was referring to. Oh wait! perhaps I do. Last Thursday... oh theres way to much to explain. Tomorrow I have the day off and will write about a bunch of things that have happened. This guy is dearly dearly beloved by all of the staff at Sanctuary, and I've been witnessing their ups and downs reflecting his, as he again and again gets drunk and angry and does and says extremily hurtful things, then wallows in pity, frustrated and angry at himself for hurting people he loves. He was horrifically abused as a child, and believes he is shit. He believes he's worth nothing at all... that he doesn't deserve love, and frankly, he finds being loved by people at Sanctuary uncomfortable and doesn't really know how to handle the way he feels. He is precious. I went outside tonight cause a woman, L, has said she wanted to talk to me and as I went to find her in the park, this man asked if I'd come talk to him after. When I went over I sat down he began just by saying he had missed me and whatnot. A cop car pulled up and asked if he'd been causing trouble, apparently someone had called the cops. Whether or not he had, he was subdued at this point, so they left after a while.
What happened next just made me want to punch someone out, which is a rare thing for an adamant pacifist.
A woman came out of the church, someone I hadn't seen before aside from a brief hello earlier in the evening. She came over to the bench we were sitting at and asked if I worked at the church. I responded with my usual 'I hang out there' and she went into a passionate monologue about how I need to teach "people like him" respect, and keep him "under control". I was kind of taken aback at first, and kept very calm throughout our entire interaction. I guess she had seen him earlier yelling at someone on the other end of the pay phone in the park, and just generally being aggressive. G. wasn't totally smashed, but he certainly wasn't sober. I don't deny that he was probably being quite disruptive, but this woman was being incredibly rude. She did not address G. until about 20mins into the conversation when I was bawling and incapable of responding. She was asking me things like 'how can you sit with this thing?' and so on. Sitting beside a lot of other people, it would have stung and I would have been angry, but because it was this person in particular, I lost it. The fact is, we are working so so so so so so hard trying to help G. understand that he is precious. For this woman to come along and dehumanize him and call him evil, and imply that eh was unworthy of being loved just shattered me. All that he ever has been told is that he is a piece of shit, and he can be told a million times that he is a child of God, infinately valuable to him, and he will still have trouble believing it. She has no idea that he has recently talked of being beyond suicidal. She has no idea the abuse he has suffered in his life. All that she could focus on was that he was "disrespectful" and needed to be scolded, reprimanded, and trained to behave. "If you can train a dog - If you can train a monkey - to BEHAVE, then certainly you can train this THING."... you can imagine how utterly frustrated I was with this woman - I was constantly interjecting reminding her that she was speaking about my friend - a child of God - as a thing - as sub-human. She went on about how she was studying law... something about all of the great schools she'd been to and how much she knew. I tried very hard to affirm her understanding of his behavior as wrong, while trying to explain that his behavior was not grounds to reject him... that Jesus loved him enough to die for him, and that that was why I loved him enough to sit with him even in light of his sin. She continued on - and on - and on - on a number of occasions I asked her to leave, because nothing was being resolved and she was not wanting to hear anything I had to say, she just wanted to make G know that he was evil. At certain points G. was getting really mad at her - more so for making me so upset, not as much as what she was saying about him. At one point I even pulled her aside away from G. who was just spewing out insults at her, and told her that I knew as well as she did that some of the things G. does are wrong, and that he knows that as well, but that the way she was going about trying to "correct" him wasn't working and that maybe she should try respecting him if she was going to demand it from him. She wouldn't have any of it. She went on about how if we were in a spiritual war she would win because she's been a Christian for 20 years and was a pastor... and I sighed heavily and exhaustedly responded "were on the same side!" She went on about how much shes studied theology and I told her that it was great... honestly... i tried SO hard to affirm her. But i told her that I just could not agree with her that my beautiful precious and incredibly broken friend needed to be treated like an animal, judged, and rejected by her because of his behavior. Other folks from the street were around, listening in and out throughout portions of our conversation that I think lasted close to an hour... also parts of it got kind of loud. She scolded me for crying... saying some very mean things about what do I ever expect to do for God if all I can do is cry. After more similar arguments I responded that G. is exactly the kind of guy Jesus hung out with, and she yelled that he was evil... and that I was evil for sitting there and supporting him... and I asked back if forgiveness was a sin...
I was so mad... fuming after this all happened... and G. just pulled me in and gave me a big hug... I was obviously much more hurt by the situation then he was. Some other folks from the street came by and were like... aw people say stuff like that to us all the time. I know that that is true... but just... why this certain person, at this certain time, and from a Christian of all people. When he is just so close to perhaps allowing himself to be cracked open enough to experience a fraction of God's grace and love. I was so so so angry and sad....

A bunch more things happened today that I want to write about... but I am in need of sleep and will save them for my big catch up writing sesh tomorrow.

Pray for G, and pray for the woman.