People's pain

Tonight was tough. I found myself stop on my walk home and just realize that there are a whole lot of situations that I just cannot or will not let myself think about. The stories of some of the people in our community are unbelievably... horrific. Stories of unthinkable childhood abuse... stories of addictions, abandonment, violence... survival. I hear the facts when people tell me things about their lives... or when I see things going on... but rarely do I ever allow myself to hurt for them anymore. It is just way too painful. And I need to catch myself. I know that if I let every story of everyones abuse really sink in that I would be incapable of functioning, (and I wonder how God manages) but I also don't want to just be so hard that I can hear about D. being raped "again last night", and not hurt deeply for her. I know that I want to get really really really angry about it, but I know that won't help either. It won't help me or her. I don't even feel capable of praying for her... or anyone else who shared really difficult crap tonight, because then it becomes very real, and then I have to try to reconcile the things that are happening in the lives of my friends with my understanding of and relationship with a loving God.